Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
