I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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