bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
