I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
