I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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