Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
