Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
