just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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