i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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