I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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