she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
