Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
