Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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