I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
