508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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