So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
