come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
