We named our party play list daddy issues
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
