i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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