we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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