It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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