..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
