All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
