Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
