I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
pop tarts are not kleenex
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
