Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
