She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
