I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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