Having a random hookup so left but love u
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Randomize
