he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
