I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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