and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
