just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
