so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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