Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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