So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
