i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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