Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
