i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
