"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize