Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
