perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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