I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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