paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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