we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i out mim tonsoeep
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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