I cockslap morals
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
