I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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