i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
