Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
