Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
