she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
