If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
