to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
