she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
