I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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