We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
