And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I forget how to act sober
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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