I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i think i just lost a toe
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
