belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
