The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
