i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
