On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
