She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
