Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
