i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize