She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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