I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
