i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
