What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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