I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
