I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we made out on top of his cat.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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