i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You are a genius and a whore.
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