he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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