Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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