im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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