he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
