her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
