she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
