The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
