So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
