wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize