Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
