are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
