so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
