My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
