I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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