Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
